


Kitchen Accidents

by SatanSpawnedNougat



Category: Fairy Tail
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Author cannot tag for the life of them, Bad Cooking, Crack, Cussing warning, Don’t get Lucy mad, Don’t trust Laxus in the kitchen - or Dragon Slayers in general, F/M, Fairy Tail Dragon Slayers, First Fairy Tail fanfiction, LaLu - Freeform, Laxus and Lucy are engaged, Laxus cannot cook, Maybe ooc but author doesn’t care
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-07
Updated: 2020-07-07
Packaged: 2021-03-04 21:02:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,403
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25132849
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SatanSpawnedNougat/pseuds/SatanSpawnedNougat
Summary: Where Laxus wants to prepare a home cooked meal for Lucy but nothing goes as planned.
Relationships: Laxus Dreyar/Lucy Heartfilia
Comments: 12
Kudos: 54





	Kitchen Accidents

**Author's Note:**

> My very first FT fanfiction. Idk why I wrote THIS but it’s funny so I’m just rolling with it. So yeah, welcome to this madness. 
> 
> Idk how I started shipping LaLu but I’m willing to go down with this ship. (That moment when you’ve read every LaLu fic this site has to offer so you’re writing your own now lmao)

“FUCK!” Laxus cussed loudly, jumping back wide-eyed to prevent himself from getting a face full of smoke. The fire alarm blared around him, making his sensitive ears ring painfully. _This wasn’t supposed to happen_ . “Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. _Fuck_!” 

Allowing a string of curses to slip past his lips, Fairy Tail’s Thunder God stumbled over his own feet and nearly fell flat on his face in his own kitchen. Luckily, Laxus managed to catch himself from doing so, his face steadily growing warmer from his actions. Never has Laxus Dreyar been so glad before to be all alone. 

He just wanted to make some dinner for his fiancé so that he could surprise her when she came back from the girl’s night with the other females from the guild. Sure, his cooking skills generally don’t went further than baking eggs and making toast, but Laxus has gone on S-Class missions for crying out loud; he has fought powerful monsters and beings from nightmares, taken out Dark Guilds and other things that were beyond the average mage’s skills. He survived Tartaros and the Alvarez Empire, and even the Dragon King Acnologia - of which he (and his guild) all emerged victorious. He even managed to ask the girl he had been crushing on out for a date, and a year later he proposed to her. 

Laxus was pretty sure he could manage to follow the instructions written in a cooking book to prepare a meal with a difficulty above eggs and toast.

How wrong he had been. 

It started with trying to decide what he wanted to make. Why were there so many options? Who came up with all this bullshit? And then he found out that there were no tomatoes in the fridge, so he had to run to the grocery store to get some tomatoes. And then Laxus learned to his disappointment that following the instructions in a cooking book wasn’t so easy as he thought. The cooking book - which was called _Cooking for Beginners_ , Laxus felt like the stupid book was personally offending his very existence - wasn’t detailed _at all_. It put the detail in all the wrong places where he didn’t actually need it. It ended with an exploded stove and tomato sauce on the ceiling - and in his hair as he would learn later that day. Was he just stupid or was this the dumbest cook book in existence? He went with the latter to keep his pride in check. 

Compared to this, fighting and magic was relatively easy. Laxus knew how to count on his own fists, and his magic never betrayed him before. He knew what to do in a fight, but it seemed he was completely lost in a kitchen. Laxus had no idea what he was doing. Perhaps he should have just settled on the safe choice of toast, but if there’s one thing that Laxus Dreyar was it was stubborn, so he kept going. 

In the meantime, Laxus had managed to get his hands on a Water Lacrima they kept in the house for precautions, wasting no time in cancelling some magical pressure into it to activate the lacrima. But Laxus had never used those lacrima before so he overrestimated the amount of magic needed, which resulted in too much water being released from the deep blue orb in his hands. His eyes widened comically when realizing his error, but he was too late to fix it. Water sprayed all around and Laxus was taken by surprise as a tidal wave pushed him down. He fell on his butt, now completely drenched, and he stared wide-eyed at the chaos he had _accidentally_ created. Lucy was so going to kill him for this. 

Not only was the stove ruined beyond repair, but some of the cupboards had also turned to ash by the fire he had created by attempting to make steak in the pan. At least the fire was now out thanks to the water, but it didn’t do much against the smoke that was currently burning his lungs. Laxus staggered to his feet and managed to open the kitchen window, his feet splashing in the 5-inch deep ‘swimming pool’ that now covered his kitchen floor. He hung his head out of the window and took a much needed gulp of fresh air before facing the chaos again. 

How was he supposed to fix this before Lucy came back? 

To Laxus’ ultimate horror the front door opened. The universe seemed to hate him today. He completely _froze_ , eyes as wide as they could get. He was a dead man now. 

With each step that Lucy took closer to the kitchen he tensed up even more, all color slowly draining from his face. Lucy was humming softly under her breath but eventually his fiancé fell silent as well, clearly catching on to the scent of smoke and fire in the air. Then Laxus heard frantic running before the kitchen door slammed open, the water on the floor rushing past Lucy’s feet and entering the rest of their house. 

Laxus still stood frozen. Lucy froze as well as she took in what was before her. Laxus desperately tried to disappear into the wall at his back. He could zap himself away with his lightning, but he wasn’t about to risk Lucy’s safety with all the water on the floor which would only end up electrocuting them both. Laxus awkwardly shuffled towards the opened window, as if he could throw himself out, which was the wrong move. The splashing water betrayed his presence to Lucy, whose head immediately snapped his way. 

She took one look at his drenched appearance, his undoubtedly guilty and fearful expression, the remains of the tomato sauce in his hair and then a dark look took over her features. A shiver went down Laxus’ spine at the appearance of Scary Lucy, how her team called it, a name he was finally able to understand fully. “ _Laxus_ ,” Lucy growled out. 

The man in question froze even more. 

“What is the one thing I told you not to do?” Was all she asked him. She wasn’t screaming, instead her voice was deadly calm. It was utterly terrifying. 

Laxus gulped. “Burn the kitchen down,” he replied in a monotone voice. 

Lucy’s glare deepened, almost succeeding in making Laxus squirm. Almost. “And what did you do?” 

“Make you dinner.” He visibly winced at that, knowing he just dug his own grave. _Well… it can’t even be called dinner anymore_. A long silence stretched out between them, with Laxus avoiding looking at her. “... and burn the kitchen down.” He added in barely a whisper, but Lucy heard him. 

Shaking her head at him Lucy took a deep breath. “Okay. This is what we’re going to do. I’m going to stay the night at Levy’s and you are going to clean up the mess you somehow made. You better be done when I get back, you hear?” 

Laxus meekly nodded, not wanting to test his luck. 

“Why did I agree to marry you? You’re hopeless,” Lucy muttered under her breathe. 

He gave her a small smile. “Because you love me?” He tried. 

Lucy’s glare softened ever so slightly. She could never stay mad at the Lightning Dragon Slayer for very long after all - or anyone for that matter. “You should be glad I do,” she muttered, stepping over towards him. Laxus tensed up, wondering if she would Lucy Kick him now, but instead she stood on the tips of her toes and gave him a small peck on his cheek. “See you tomorrow, Sparky. Clean up your mess.” She gave him an amused wink and then she was gone. 

Laxus glanced around at the remains of the kitchen, wondering where to start. Maybe he should call Freed and ask the Rune Mage if he would help him. Freed always helped him. 

“And I better not learn you dragged poor Freed into this mess!” Lucy called out to him - as if reading his mind - before the door slammed closed behind her. 

A scowl formed on Laxus’ face. His gaze settled on the cook book, its pages still open on the receipt Laxus was trying to follow earlier. If he didn’t knew any better he would say that the book was cursed to make his life difficult and mock his very existence. His scowl deepened. “This is all your fault,” he muttered darkly. 


End file.
